Tug-o-War

There are times in life when our own words can’t express our feelings or thoughts; times when a song written by another seems to explain exactly how you feel.  That time for me is right now.  I’m been feeling a “little off” as of late.  Something hasn’t been right.  I’m sitting on a plane to Texas and decided to make a new mix on my iphone consisting of songs from my days at Camp and also those that have meant something to me from my past.  The first song to come up on shuffle mode was “Tug-o-War” by Wideawake.  I listened to it once.  Then again.  Then I wrote down the lyrics and studied them, feeling like this song was describing what was going on in my head, heart and soul better than I ever could.  So take a moment to read these lyrics and maybe they will help you.

Hold on to tight to let go

So much security in what I know

I’m a little bit afraid to lose myself in You

The closer I get, the harder it is to see

How I’m suppose to let it be

Well here I am now

Wondering again if I should let you in

To the places I’ve kept hidden from you for so long now

Will you take my hopes and dreams and hold onto them for me

I wanna trust you more….

There’s a tug o war in side of me

Between the hands that make the seasons change

And the thoughts of this little bitty brain

But the pride in me is pulling against the desires of my soul

To stubborn to let go

No no no no no no no no, I don’t wanna win this war

What I say and do just dont go

Can’t hide the part of me that’s sayin no

Whats with this war that’s goin on inside of my head

I’m tired of holdin on, I’m tired of holdin out

What is this all about? Does anyone understand

Or can you tell me why

I would think to deny  the words of One who wants to give me everything

Just to turn and do my own thing and fail again

I wanna trust you more….

There’s a tug o war in side of me

Between the hands that make the seasons change

And the thoughts of this little bitty brain

But the pride in me is pulling against the desires of my soul

To stubborn to let go

No no no no no no no no, no no no no no no no no

I don’t wanna fight no more

The towel has been thrown in

I surrender, I give in…..

 I don’t wanna win this war inside of me.

Between the hands that make the seasons change

And the thoughts of this little bitty brain

But the pride in me is pulling against the desires of my soul

To stubborn to let go

No no no no no no no no, I don’t wanna win this war

My prayer today is that I give in.  That my pride and selfishness don’t get in the way of the things God has planned for my life.  That my expectations don’t get in the way.  But most of all I thank God everyday for his grace, mercy and love. 

Blessings,

Jon