It's hard for me to believe that I haven't posted since December. As I think back, its not that I haven't tried. In fact, as I look at my draft box I have 6 drafts sitting in there waiting for me to push the "Publish" button. So why haven't I posted anything? I could use the excuse of being busy, but I've come to learn that you make time for the things you want to make time for. Again, its not as if I haven't tried as evidence of my draft box. Instead, I have been struggling to convey my current thoughts on world issues. My blog was never meant to be a political pulpit. In fact, as I have read back through earlier post, there is a sense of joy and hope in them. Each one has an excitement about reconnecting and strengthening my walk with God and some challenges I was looking forward to attain that goal.
Most of the drafts I have were written after a very dark day in our nation in December. I have been wrapped up in my job and to be honest, a lot of things have been going through my head that are challenging how I think about the world around me. I know the exact day when I started to struggle. It was the day a 20 year old walked into a school and killed 26 people, including 20 innocent kids. Kids that were the same age as my nephew. A horrid day that I'm sure none of us will soon forget. I've been struggling since that day trying to cope with the questions I'll never have answers to. I was fortunate enough to see my dad in California soon after the Newton shooting and even though I knew a country was/is struggling with such a heinous act, it was comforting to talk about it with him and see that he was shaken by it as well. After that I searched for answers and comfort in tangible things. I was tired of thinking so instead I started to lose myself in work and TV. It was easier to do the mindless things than to try to face what was going on in my mind. Ever since then, I haven't checked the news without seeing horrible things happening. Whether it be a car accident killing 5 teens, a child being raped, a baby being killed or another shooting taking the life of someone. I am having trouble with humanity. I am having trouble viewing my role in humanity. I was able to hide my feelings as I usually do in the making sure I was too busy and tired to think about them. Some people run away from their thoughts or things bothering them. I just bury myself with other things. In the end, all of those feelings about humanity resurfaced after the terror attack at the Boston Marathon. I can't say I was prepared to deal with it, but somehow, someway I am in the process of dealing with all those feeling and then some. I don't know why, but as soon as I heard about it, I stopped and prayed. An hour later I prayed again. I heard an acquaintance that was a physician the finish line so I prayed again. Later that night I prayed again. The day after I continued to pray for the victims and their families. I prayed for our leaders and the response we would have. Most of all I prayed for understanding, knowing full well that I/we will never fully understand why people do these things.
Instead of God giving me understanding, He gave me comfort. He quieted my heart and head so I could focus on Him. It's not my job to understand why these things happen. My job is to find God's love in it. Its hard to see with all the carnage and news focusing on bloodshed, but it became very tangible as I read twitter (I know, social media right) and watched the videos of the bombs going off. His love is seen in the police officers, spectators, first responders (including athletic trainers) and marathon runners running TO the explosion area to help. It's those not knowing what dangers lie ahead, putting their lives in the way to help others. Watching all those people try to help others brought to mind John 15:13. It also brings up much deeper questions in me, but I'll spare you those, mostly because that would make me a bit vulnerable (a post soon to come). In the end, my thoughts still lie with those affected by the many tragedies I have read about over the last 5 months.
My lesson has been to seek Him, to see Him even when its hard to find Him. There have been various responses from various individual. "Boston Strong" has become the rally cry for a city that will not let this incident deter its resolve. If you haven't seen the National Anthem being sung by the crowd at the Boston Bruins Hockey game last night, check it out on YouTube. I also loved the response by Patton Oswalt (Voice of Remy in Ratatouille) "The good will always out number the bad". He was referencing all the people who ran towards the explosions to help victims.We have to remember that good will always win out. There is still tons of good in this world. The news would just rather talk about the bad. I'm choosing to focus on the good of humanity, the goodness in the world and the greatness of God.
