Listening

Growing up I was considered a good listener.  I was part of a group in Junior High that were picked for mini retreat because we were good at listening to people.  My friends in high school and those I worked with at Camp Perkins told me I was a good listener and people would confide in me.  My mom would say I'm "mother deaf" which means I hear her, but don't really listen :).  I listen to my athletes, coworkers and coaches on a daily basis.  With the above evidence, it would be safe to assume that I'm above average at listening.  So why is it that I have a hard time listening to God?  Why is it that I struggle so much with hearing the right message and spend so much time trying to listen, but ultimately failing.  

Chances are its because I'm hearing, but not truly listening.  My selfishness and own desires cloud the message and make it more into something I want rather than what is being conveyed.  To me, its similar to listening to someone and picking up only certain words and thinking you have the whole message.  People tend to fixate on particular words, thinking they have the whole message when in actuality, the point being made is missed completely.  I have seen the effects of this a few times in the last month as I was certain God was moving my life in a certain direction.  I was excited at the prospects and what was lying ahead of me in both my personal and professional life.  This excitement led to expectations and I started to slowly plan what life would be like down the road.  Then it happened.  God made me do a 180....on two occasions (no this doesn't mean I spun in a circle).  As I've had time to think about those situations, I've realized I didn't listen.  As I said above, my own hopes and desires clouded the message God was telling me about His plan for my life.  I took 3 or 4 "words" out of a sentence of 20 and drew my own conclusions.  Of course this led to disappointment and other emotions.  In the end, they didn't last because I realized my selfish desires had led me in the wrong directions once again.  However, it left me pondering the same questions about how to better listen to God.

I use to think that God's answer to prayer or to questions was some sort of feeling I would get.  My prayers would boil down to a yes or no answer and I would wait to see if my heart rate would increase, anxiety would kick in and/or a sense of happiness would over take me when I prayed.  Instead, these physiological response seem to be my head telling me what I want to hear, not what is actually trying to be conveyed.  So now I'm back to square one.  The struggle of actually listening.  Good relationships are based on communication, which needs listening.  Strengthening my personal relationship with God would help me understand his communication better.  Its going to take sacrifice.  I have to be willing to sacrifice my wants and desires, knowing that God will give me the desires of my heart when I "take up my cross and follow Him." Always easier to say than done, but I'm slowly making progress.  I continue to take a few steps forward only to fall one back, but knowing God is patiently waiting for me makes the tough journey seem a little easier.  Thanks for reading.

Blessings,

Jon